SporadicBull. Swamps of Jersey, April 2, 2012.
Last night in an unprecedented move, the Republican Party revealed that the entire 2012 Presidential primary campaign had been an elaborate prank.
“April Fool!” exclaimed former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney and former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum at a press conference in Washington, where they were joined by fellow merrymakers Newt Gingrich, Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry and Herman Cain.
Moments after revealing that the GOP primary had been one long practical joke, Mr. Santorum explained the rationale behind staging such a complicated and expensive prank.
“A lot of Americans are suffering right now and need a good laugh,” he said. “My colleagues and I are justifiably proud of the entertainment we provided – even if it meant me wearing these ridiculous sweater vests.”
Former Godfather’s Pizza CEO Herman Cain agreed that the prank had gone well, but added, “I’m just amazed that the American people never figured out we were kidding.” “I mean, I kept saying ‘9-9-9’ every four seconds, which was total and utter nonsense” he said. “And everything out of Michele’s mouth made her sound like a mental patient.”
“True that,” Rep. Bachmann agreed.
Texas Governor Rick Perry said he worried that “every time I screwed up at a debate people would figure out I was pulling their legs,” but added, “The American people seemed to accept the idea that a Governor of Texas could be a blithering idiot.”
When one reporter mentioned that Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX) was not at the press conference, a sudden silence fell over the gathering.
“Did anyone ever tell Ron this was supposed to be a prank?” Mr. Romney asked. “Holy cow, maybe he’s really serious.”